| (no subject) |
[May. 21st, 2007|04:30 pm] |
mind, why can't you rest!?
sleep doesnt come easy now a days, for most of us. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2007|04:42 pm] |
last night
i met the love of my life.....
the love of my life,
lives in canada : [ |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2007|06:25 pm] |
1. why is it so easy to be nice to you?
2. why do you feel the need to rub this in? I dont care.
3. your selfishness gets me sometimes.
4. i wish i did it over.
5. i dont want you to make stupid decisions like me.
6. you dont deserve any of that, and it hurts me to watch.
7. some days, i really do feel like i should disappear.
8. do tears ever stop!? seriously, i wish i ran out.
9. i dont know why i hide behind things, i shouldnt, but its better than the truth.
10. i wish that i never said it out loud.
11. i need you to be MY friend, not his, you wont understand even if i explained it.
12. i want my happiness to return, cause i like being in a good mood.
13. so many people are so worse off, why am i so stuck? |
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| moving on |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|09:39 pm] |
heartbreak hurts so much, but im beginning to see why "things happen for a reason" as i lay crying in my bed last night.. with little to no sleep. i found myself sitting in the corner asking why i needed to hurt this bad...
although i still dont fully understand i am beginning to see things clearly.
every single one of my friends told me that crying over him isnt worth it, but its something that i had to do. ugh. i just hurt so bad. its just a pain that i was trying to avoid all along... i mean thats why i ended things between us in the first place.
but. thank you matthew, i will try my hardest not to hold back in my next relationship, and try not to run away.
also, thank you for showing me that i need to be careful who to give my heart to.. well more like thanks porco who wise anti-male guidence has brought me to the understanding that boys are not worth my time :] i love her.
i'm going to try some new things out in life, from now on, i will try my hardest to forgive. because its honestly helping me a lot, its not good to have such a heavy heart. i shouldnt have to carry any burdens... from now on, forgiveness heals :] its going to take a lot for me to fogive him, but it will be ok in the end, at least for me... and as for matt, well hes forgiven my me but if he ever tries to come my way again... ill simply let him down easy, just like he told me he would do
thank you matt, you are forgiven. :] |
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| Im Brianna. I'm afraid of commitment. |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|03:19 pm] |
What the hell is wrong with me?
honestly!?
im noticing that the reason that i havent had a bf the last 2 yrs. is because im scared.thats the answer.
when kyle crossland wanted to be my bf. i said no...i made myself think that it was because he didnt live near me and it wouldnt work.but thats bullshit cause well i could have. he would have come here. we would have worked something out...andd although i would never do it now...i didnt go out with mike cause i didnt want to commit either. we talked about going on dates a few times but i punked out.
i dont know why im so afraid. its not like ive never been in a relationship before. i guess its just the idea that I will be held down? and i cant randomly make out with people when im drunk haha. i have no idea what it is..but i need to find out before a very good thing is gone.
i hope that he understands...how do you tell someone who wants to commit to you, that you are scared of that very thing? and i need to tell him cause if i dont he'll think that im A. insane or B. I'm blowing him off
it has really been eating me up. sleeping is getting hard cause i think too damn much!!!! and all i think about is how nice it would be to be with him. but then all of that is thrown away when i think of all the ackwardness!!!! WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF??? why cant this be easy for me? i look around at all of my friends and i ask myself why i cant just do that. its easy...ive done it before. whats wrong now? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2006|12:05 am] |
i think that i should stop caring about stupid things.
i guess ive just been noticing that i focus too much on the most random things.. and it might be bringing my life down a smidge.
i mean when i look at all my old friends myspaces' and i see that they are all happy and they are all still friends it makes me feel really bad about myself.. cause what's wrong with me? even though im really the one that pushed them away.
not that im downing my life now cause well its 34985934875348975 times better than it was then...its just that i miss that part of me? i dont know, i guess im just over thinking things as i always do.
i havent been in a good mood lately.. i've been really down and rubbed the wrong way. i cant really put my finger on what it is. part of me knows...but i dont want to admit to it cause then it would be true.
school is starting. that really sucks. hope everyone enjoys the last day of freedom. |
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| this is hard. |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|04:49 pm] |
im hurt.
thats all i can say about it.
it makes me extremely sad.
best friends for life. |
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| join hands. |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|11:51 pm] |
i guess that i dont have a lot to complain about... lifewise
there are just a few things that just get me down.
but as always... i act like a lot of it doesnt.
just how some people dont realize what they have.
and how i would KILL to have a SLICE of it!
it amazes me how so many people put themselves before others.
just how things get so tangled.
sorry this is all sort of random. but o well.
lately ive been thinking about what i want in life and how i need to get things in check.
this has nothing to do with anything.. but its been on my mind as well.
when i was at camp... i felt like i was so close to god.
i felt his presence. and even when i came home from camp... things were different. i mean i cursed less and i just had this calmness in my heart. now.. it just feels like ive lost all of those things that made me the christian that i am....or i want to be. it frustates me to know that i need a camp to be closer to god. why cant i keep the closeness that i had? i guess its all about the enviroment and the people that i was around. NO NO NO THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I LIKE MY CAMP FRIENDS BETTER!! im just saying that when i was there i was surrounded by god... i mean surrounded my the music and the people. it was so cool to me that i no longer felt like i was the only teenager that believed in god. and im not saying that its a bad thing that my friends dont.. cause thats what keeps me from being so humble with my faith.
now that we're done with that.
there are sooo many things that i dont understand... WHY PEOPLE JUST CANT TELL THE TRUTH!
:] night |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|02:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the spill | ] |
i think that i try too hard. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 13th, 2006|01:04 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | ROOM | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the buzz of the tv | ] |
summer. good.
friends. good.
i'm coming to grips with change.
i've always loved change.
it seems that lately change has just been scary.
growing up.
losing people.
meeting new people.
losing touch.
trying to dig myself out of this hole.
getting Ds... not me.
i dont know what the hell happened to me this year.
getting closer.
getting further.
falling out of love.
realizing what people dont know.
fall |
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